Effective Relationships

Choosing your soulmate, partner or spouse is such an difficult task for both parties in a relationship. Most people believe that two halves makes a whole and that what one lacks the other one the other one can compensate for.

Of course people can make anything work for a while if they really try hard but it makes for an relationship where there always seems to be full of drama’s and discords.

When people meet they generally chose an opposite temperament to themselves. This is so admired during courtship and sends shivers of joy into the deepest crevettes of our souls, to have found someone who is fulfilling the total opposites to our own character seems at first to be utopia.

An example would be where someone who is not detailed, finds a partner who is or where someone is an outgoing personality and the other an introvert (someone who feel joy by staying out of the limelight) These traits so opposite to our own, at first really appeal to us as “opposites attracts”.

You would hear, “He/She is everything that I’m not or He/She really completes me” and of course you could really become effective as a couple if you could treasure this difference and continue to appreciate the other partners character traits.

The problem is this that rarely does this happens, because after the honeymoon period ( normally 3 month or more) where an euphoria exists preventing any rational or logical thought from entering our minds. Everything is just rosy red and wonderful.

After this period life returns to reality and suddenly “Who is going to do the dishes” becomes a major issue or going out all the time becomes unacceptable to one party.

Let’s look at the most common traits. We humans basically have 4 traits of temperaments. Let’s call these, Sanguin, Choleric, Melancholic and Phlegmatic.

Basically we all possess these four traits to varying degrees and our chances of being an effective participant in life, would depend on how well we manage them.

The Sanguin character’s main traits are , Outgoing, love people and fun, these people are very vibrant, happy and easily excitable. Life is a party and they are the main characters. Main Trait: Fun and Adventure.

The choleric is the born leader and very much into control. The like order and precision and must be in total control. They are mostly fearless and very courageous and takes on leadership asked for or not. They think that mostly they are right and other people are a bit slow. Main trait: Control and efficiency.

The Melancholic is the organized personality. They make lists of everything, plans everything to the last detail and don’t like surprises. As a child they tend to line everything up in neat line or as an adult the items in the fridge becomes almost obsessively organized. Main Trait: Organization and Order.

The Phlegmatic traits involves never being able to make difficult decisions or failing in being organized. They are sweet down to earth people. Their feathers never get ruffled and they don’t get excited about anything very often. They were going to join the procrastinators club, but they just haven’t got around to doing it yet. Main traits: Calmness and indecision.

To understand these four types of characters or personalities requires a detailed study beyond the scope in this article, however if you wish to learn more about them and how they interact on our relationship go HERE

Needless to say an outgoing personality, in opposition to an introverted one are bound to create problems. The one partner wants to stay home and “nest” and the other party wants to go out and “party”, will eventually create issues that needs to be resolved.

Also strong personality characters of the same kind, like two Cholerics are likely to start wars on a grand scale in a relationship (after the honeymoon period) unless each person understand the character trait and the needs of thereof.

For now let’s concern ourselves with what is important to maintain an effective relationship and let me make the assumption that we have now studied the character trait mentioned above as life without that knowledge would be impossible.

The most accepted belief is that two halves makes a whole, that two people who are somewhat semi dependent comes together and complete each other. This belief is very wrong as two in-effective people suddenly becomes effective just because they get with another in-effective person. The only outcome is that now we have two in-effective people.

What is being in-effective? An in-effective person does not understand life or the rules of play. It’s like a blind person stumbling through a crowded mall. Total dilutional with no goals or direction, just living day to day on a whim like a ping pong ball in play.

They are motivated by fear and deep seated doubts about life. They possess little self-esteem or courage and allows other people opinion or those of the media to guided them on everything they do. The take no responsibility for anything, sometime not even themselves and simply just follows the norm.

So the opposite to that would be to put two “seeing people together, both guided by goals, deep seated desires and motivated by a strong believe in themselves and their partner, to achieve their mission in life, no matter what.

These sorts of relationship are bound to succeed as they both are motivated by their dreams and goals.

They will strongly support each other drawing upon every skill or trait each other possesses to effectively “Fly in formation” towards their mutual dream.

These sorts of relationship are unstoppable and unique. Their legacy is that these traits are highly transferable and so their children will also learn these skills and in turn enter into extremely effective relationships too.

By Nick Struan

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