Relationship – Made In Heaven or Hell
Why Is It So Difficult To Get along?
It’s like we have this nothing that people are so difficult to understand, almost like coming from another planet.
Two thing here, we are dealing with is what people think and believe and secondly, how they choose to deal with things e. g. react or respond.
Ok let’s deal with both ok?
Firstly. How do we develop out benchmark, what is a benchmark? It’s a core believe about what and who we are and how we deal (react or respond) to each situation!
We develop our benchmark by observing firstly our parents behavior to each other and secondly from our environment, which could include TV, Radio.
Let’s say you see something really bad om television about how a man treated a woman and it shock you deeply, you there and then decide that
There are only two way to affect your paradigm ( Your core belief, which determines how you believe and act towards yourself and other people) .
Firstly, by repetition ( You mother scolding you every day telling you how “useless” you are or how “dumb” you are for doing something, leaves everlasting effect on your subconscious mind.
Secondly, by a shocking event, something that really scares you or upsets you deeply.
It is still not known to what extent, scary movies and video games affect us when we are exposed to them. Statistics tells us that many children on an average watches more than 4 hours of this type of content every day.
However millions of people, men, women and children, developed an fear of what’s lurking in the sea after watching the hit movie “JAWS”.
You don’t believe it? Just hit for the nearest ocean and jump in and start swimming out to sea, and watch how your mind will start to replay the scary scenes from that movie.
We take onboard millions of data every day from everywhere and how we deal with it, depend largely on how well our filters are tuned. That’s why a mother sitting in a playground, can hear her child amongst fifty or so other children playing there.
The mothers brain filters out most other noises and finely tune itself to the vibration of her child. Just think about it, if you are focused on something really intensely, how aware are you about other things around you?
So when we take up a relationship, we measure our partner based on our benchmark (Paradigms) and our previous programming. Since we are closets to ourselves firstly, we tend to judge others against our own beliefs.
Let’s imagine, that your partner comes home all excited telling you that this evening you are going to go swimming in the ocean, at night, in the dark! How well would you accept that piece of information.
Would you go, “yahoo that’s sounds fantastic” or would a graphic picture of the murderous shark spring onto your mind?
So just understand that we are looking at our partner with “rose” colored glasses (filters) and see only what we want to see or focus on and not all the other stuff. That being both good or bad, life is in duality and works both ways so whatever you focus on is what you get more of.
Yes, that means if you focus on your partners “Bad” habits, then you will more of that and if you focus on their “Good” you will also get more of that.
So the morale of this story is this: If you want to have good relationships with anyone, focus on their good sides and ignore their bad ok?
For parents with children, this works particular well also, Do Not! Criticize condemn and complain to your kids, just love them regardless and focus on the good things they do and ignore the rest.
If you catch them doing bad, divert their attention onto good things and praise them for doing good. Children are starving for attention, and if you only give them praise for the good they will do much more off that.
Make a game with yourselves; Catch them doing good. Look always for the good they do and praise them immediately for the world to hear.
I sincerely hope you enjoyed this article. Thank you
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